My RSS Feeds
The Pedo Files
The older I get, the less I read, and this makes me disappointed in myself. I used to read before bed, now I've got writing deadlines and DVR to catch up on. I used to read on planes, now there are 8,000 viewing options drilled into the seat in front of me. I've been on page 50 of Dennis Lehane's Shutter Island -- a novel that Martin Scorsese is making into a movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Ruffalo, and Ben Kingsley -- for about two months now. So yesterday, I decided to take the book to a park by my apartment, free of distractions, and finish the entire thing.
Alas, my time in the park was far from peaceful. I soon realized that parents today suspect everyone of being a pedophile. Maybe it's Chris Hansen, maybe it's Law & Order: SVU (all I know is NBC is involved in some way), but parents today eye anyone in the vicinity of children with a disgusted suspicion. There were kids playing on nearby equipment, but I wasn't even facing their direction, and I certainly wasn't sitting at the base of a slide, rubbing my hands together, hissing "Come to Pattycake..." I was just a dude reading a book. And that was enough for four (four!) different parents to approach me and ask what I was doing there, almost angrily.
After a policeman strolled past my bleachers for the third time, I packed up my book and finished it at home. (And it was excellent, by the way. Should make for an extremely exciting and surprising film.) I just wish we lived in a world where a grown man could sit in the park, enjoying the sunshine for a few hours, and not be treated like a pervert.
Although, in fairness, I probably shouldn't have been masturbating.
The world is going to shit Pat.
Dude, you seriously like Shutter Island?? Not to ruin it for everyone, but
the ending was obvious, derivative, and ruined what had been a great story.
I love Lehane but abhor that book.
As a parent of little cutie pies, I may have, at one time or another, given
a hairy eyeball to someone who openly stared at my kids or tried to talk to
them. But to actually approach someone and ask them what they were doing
there? NEVER. Unless, of course, they were masturbating. Glad you
enjoyed the book.
I think it depends on whether you were batin' on the sly, maybe kinda doin'
it pocket-hockey-style, or if you were pantsless.
You know, an America where I can't lock up the dungeon, lace up my bloody
clown suit and head out to the park for a relaxing read? That's just not
an America I want to live in.
But in all seriousness, you're going to think those parents are paragons of
restraint after you check out the Google hits you get on this page. I bet
disappointed perverts are reading these words right now. HI PERVERTS!!!!!