Rick Moronis

Saw Billy Joel at Madison Square Garden last night. Pretty good show, though BJ is half the showman Neil "The Real Deal" Diamond is. Oh well. My top five Billy Joel songs, in no particular order:

"Allentown," OK, I said no particular order but this is probably number one.

"All For Leyna," Great song about letting a girl you used to hook up with rule your life, thoughts, etc. I think.

"Sometimes A Fantasy" Sort of a Cars ripoff, but one of his catchiest and least known songs. And it's about jerking off, so it has a special place in my heart. And pants.

"Scenes From An Italian Restaurant" An epic story, a bunch of incredible melodies, subtly depressing.

"Only The Good Die Young" Gotta love a song about how hard it is to fuck Catholic girls. I remember the day I figured out what this song was about, sitting in the backseat as my parents sang along. I should probably go to therapy.

Also love "For The Longest Time," "Uptown Girl," "My Life," "Honesty," "Vienna," "You May Be Right."

Worst Billy Joel song, and a candidate for worst song of all time? "Pressure." Jesus Christ, what an obnoxious song. It always makes me feel like I'm trapped in a life-size chess game and people are trying to kill me. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's how it makes me feel. It sounds very Russian to me, and very horrible.

Speaking of bad songs, can we talk for a moment about this song "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt? If I can be blunt for a moment, what the fuck is wrong with the world that this song can be successful!?!? What an overwrought, oversung piece of crap. Close your eyes the next time you hear it and tell me if it would sound any different if sung by Minnie Mouse. And then kick your own ass for closing your eyes while listening to "You're Beautiful." I guess this is about staring at some hot gal on the subway and she's not interested, and isn't life horrible and unfair and so forth. Have you seen this guy? If he was staring at you on the subway you would be horrified. This girl is clearly in the right. And people, good people, enjoy this high pitched warbling. He sounds like an animated mouse.

Speaking of animated mice, remember An American Tail (A-)? Incredible. The first movie I saw in a theater. Has there ever been a more realistic depiction of the downside to the American dream? Well, probably, but did the illegal immigrants in those stories look as adorable in a big blue hat as Fievel Mousekewitz? Oh Fievel, there ARE cats in America, little friend. And the streets are most certainly not paved with cheese.

A few months back I posted regarding the whereabouts of my beloved Rick Moranis. Well, he is back with a new country album (seriously) called "The Agoraphobic Cowboy." Several of you had brought this to my attention in the past, but I hadn't seen it in action until just now on the "Today Show." And the verdict? Not good. I am so sorry I asked that he return to the entertainment world, because now my whole image of him is shattered. His next movie should be called Honey, I Suck At Singing. If you didn't see it, he was dressed like your father, hands in pockets, singing a stupid song ridiculously out of tune while the "Today Show" staff danced like chimps. Boo.

Looking For Comedy In The Muslim World (B-) Funny for an hour, then not funny for a half hour. Albert Brooks is one of the funniest men alive, but he has a real problem writing a consistent movie that is funny all the way through. The closest he got was Lost In America (A-), and he ended that movie right in the middle of the story, with no explanation, about 80 minutes in. That's what he should always do, or hire someone who can write a story so he can focus on jokes. I would have respected this so much more if he had turned to the camera an hour in, shrugged, and said, "Sorry folks, that's all I got. I hope you had a good time, and enjoy the weekend!" There are a lot of interesting ideas here, though, and what is funny is very funny. Check out Broadcast News (A+) if you've never seen it. He didn't write it, but it's his best performance and that's one of my favorite movies. The sweating scene alone deserves some sort of prize.

I guess no one got my song lyric the other day, my first stump! It was Morrissey's "The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get." Great song.

Today's is: "Oh shit, there's a bear. Could you hand me that shotgun, buddy? Also that chair." 

Monday I will be continuing my autobiography. Have a fun weekend, thanks for commenting, I will keep replying to every one I get. 

tags: movies  movie reviews  music  concerts  

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